Bad Days Happen.

Can I be honest? I can because it's my blog and I can say what I want. Moms have bad days. There were several moments during my pregnancy when I was just like Are you kidding me? Everyone always talked about how wonderful pregnancy was and how you would glow from this beautiful experience. Yeah right! I was a sweaty, irritable mess. They don't tell you about hemorrhoids, peeing when you laugh or sneeze because there is a tiny human jumping on your bladder, or fainting at the worst moments ( my chipped front tooth can attest to that) They don't tell you that, no they tell you how you are going to glow. People always talk about the beautiful side of motherhood, and they don't speak of the worry, the depression, the need to self-medicate with wine( ask any Mom about the book club and she will deny it).

 Moms get a bad rep. There is no time to sit in front of the tv eating bonbons while you try to remember which kid needs to be where? Who needs to eat(child, fish, cat, dog, turtle, you)? What's for breakfast, lunch second breakfast, dinner? Where is the biggest mess that I need to tackle? Should I just hose the kids off outside, so I don't have to clean the bathroom again? How do I not ruin my kids lives today? There is a list of things to do that is the equivalent of pi (neverending). But, you must endure it all with grace looking runway-fierce... I'm sorry, but that is a sure fire way to lose your mind.

Having a bad day is one thing. Have a glass of wine and a long soak in the tub and you can shake it off. Now, when the bad days start to run together, and you start using your outside voice inside to everybody, and you start picking fights with your partner over not changing the toilet roll... You need a break. Because at this point you can soak in a bathtub full of wine and it would not help. Find a sitter, invoke the grandparent's clause, You need backup! Take a day or two and just be with your spouse. It can work wonders for your attitude. I'm not saying that this is the answer to everything. Some people don't even know what's wrong. That takes some work to find yourself and remember what used to bring you joy or find something new. The absolute best thing you can do for yourself is to stop worrying what others think about you. Do what's right for you and your family.

I love you my awkward friends until next time.

My Latest Obsession.

Sorry, my awkward friends for the late post. I guess Saturday is the new Thursday. Well for this week at least. Okay, so for those who know me you know my interests are varied, and I can research things until I know so much about it that I'm sick of it then it is on to the next one.

At the moment my obsession is genealogy. It wasn't until I had R.J. I began to think about those who came before me. I had thought about genealogy before but, I did not have the patience to sift through all those names.

So, that was what I was doing Thursday when I should have been blogging for you. I was at the library sifting through names. It is so awesome the first time you make a discovery about people in your family, and you think about just how much gets passed down in your DNA. How do you get started building your family tree? It all starts with you. The easiest way to build your family tree is to work from the present backward. Go from you and you parents to their parents and so on. Go back as far as you can with what you can learn from family members. Just remember that memories can be fuzzy, and you will have to play detective.


People ask me all the time how I find all the information I do without paying a cent. Well, I have a few tricks up my sleeve that I will share with you. There is a website that can help you map your tree and search information for free www.familysearch.org is run by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The site is completely free, and it helps you organized your work. You can also place the items you find in your search directly in a source box for later use. I think my biggest source of information and documents is www.ancestry.com. I know what you are thinking. Ancestry.com you have to pay for that. Most of the time that is true but, this is why it pays to know all the services your local library provide. At the Chicago Public Library, you can use Ancestry for free. Now this is only good for the computers in the actual library. The library also has other resources you can use. As an African American, it is difficult to find information further than 1860. Certain libraries have information on microfiche like slave schedules, and old newspapers. Check your city's libraries to find what's available to you.

Here are the resources I use most often:
Family stories and memories.
Pictures
Birth and death certificates both have information about parentage and important dates
Property records can let you find names on deeds of passed down family properties
The Census is great information and don't just look at your family on the census page check the pages before or after and you just may find other relatives.

So go out and make your tree fuller Awkward ones.

DIY Sensory Bottles!

Hey my Awkward friends,

I was thinking of something to share with you this week. I was at a loss until I  tripped over it. A sensory bottle that I had made for RJ was lying on the floor. My son had gotten so much enjoyment out of the simple toys I made for him I thought I should share..

I made bottles several in different colors to help teach him colors as well as being soothing. Here's what you need to make your own sensory bottles. 

An empty water bottle

Food color

Beads or small river rocks

Glitter

Decorative Duct tape

This project takes about ten minutes. It is super simple and the kids can help. Just use caution when handling small beads and rocks.

Remove the label from the water bottle. Place the river rocks or beads in the bottle. Just enough to cover the bottom and make a great sound. You can also put the glitter and food color in at this time. 

Fill the bottle with water.

If you are mixing colors you may want to wait to put the color in after you fill the bottle  with water.

There you have it. One awesome sensory toy. Don't forget to duct tape and secure the top of the bottle so there no accidents.

Sometimes You Gotta Be Tricky.

Hey my awkward friends, I have been keeping true to posting on Thursdays. Yay! Even if it is 11:59 it is still Thursday. I was trying to come up with something simple for this week's post. Translated: I just waited until the last minute. Now I am about to share something I do for RJ when he gets in his moods and doesn't want to eat. Every parent wants to know that their kids are getting what they need nutritionally. Some kids are pickier than others. My son is a carnivore. He will eat all the meat on his plate before he looks at anything else. Sometimes he will eat nothing but meat and rice. I think this is my punishment for trying to make him vegetarian. Here are a couple tricks I have learned to get him to eat something other than meat.

1. The game: Everything is better as a game. If it is a vegetable that I know he likes I will play who eats it first. I will quickly take a vegetable off of his plate and eat it. I make it seem like the most delicious thing in the world. That gets him interested. I grab another one and offer it to him. If he doesn't take then I eat it again. Then I ask him to get a vegetable to see if he will eat it or offer it to me. If he eats it I make a big surprised face and celebrate with him. Then my job is done if he is done. I don't force him to eat. However, I do revisit the food if he wants more later. Now if he offers it to me I continue the game until he decides to take a bite. This does not always work. You have to be really excited about vegetables to make it work in the first place and even then the only may accomplish sometimes is a belly full of vegetables, but the wrong one.

2. The smoothie: I love smoothies. I would rather drink a smoothie or a juice sometimes than eat lunch. That made me think about a way to sneak veg to my toddler. When he gets in his moods and he doesn't want to eat that's fine but he never turns down a drink.

Drink 1: I take a couple tablespoons of oatmeal and blend them into a fine powder before I add any wet ingredients. This makes sure the oats incorporate into the liquid without lumps. I then add half a banana and enough milk to cover both the oats and the banana. I blend until liquefied. This drink does not have the consistency of a smoothie. If too thick add more milk. It should look like formula more or less. He loves this drink and he will drink it all. It should also make enough for the next day as well. Refrigerate the remainder give it a good shake before serving the next day. If you know you can't use it the next day please put it in the freezer so it won't go bad.

Drink 2: My son loves berries. Black, blue, straw, if it's a berry he loves it. So, I keep frozen mixed berries in the house. Well, I love my smoothies too so it is good to keep on hand. In this drink, I add a handful of mixed berries, a handful of spinach, and cover with apple juice. That's it it's so simple. If you are worried about the seeds from the berries you can omit by using a strainer but, that's personal preference RJ doesn't mind. This drink is thicker than the last so use your own judgment to know if it is right for you and your child. You can always dilute with water for a thinner consistency.

These are my tips for the week I hope they help. Until next week my awkward friends.

Who Does Antisocial Parenting Hurt?

Sometimes you just don't want to be bothered with other people. Well, your sometimes is my most of the time. It was until I saw how other people enrich my son's life. It was as if a flash of lightning went off in my head. It is amazing the way he had personal relationships with the people he encounters. He remembers the things he does with that particular person. R.J. just has a gift with people. It's wonderful to watch. People love him instantly. So, to keep him away from his adoring public is just cruel.

The most honest reason I have to give up my anti-social ways is that I need a break and support. When you are a stay at home mom, your life revolves around your family. There is only so much conversation you can have about Elmo. I have been guilty of reading Stephen Hawking's "The Theory of Everything" to him. Reading books alone is not enough. I found myself irritable, and depressed. I needed to get out of my funk. So, I decided to get involved in my community. I started going to local Park Advisory Council meetings. Going to these meetings lead to
coming in contact with a wonderful local church pastor. I visited his church and knew that I wanted to be a part it. I met beautiful church ladies who welcomed my family and me no questions asked. The most amazing thing is that my son found a friend.

In all things, there is a balance. I now look forward to Sundays. I can see more clearly the need to be around positive moms and women. The need to know you are not alone is real. Many are afraid of judgement especially when it comes to our children or parenting. We all need a village in which to feel safe to be ourselves. One of the reasons I do my best not to judge others is that you never know what someone has been through. One day you may have that same trial.

    I love what my life is becoming. I just might have to change the name of this blog. Well.. nope still awkward, but that's okay. So, I guess the answer to my question Who does anti-social parenting hurt is everyone.

Why I Didn't Breastfeed.

Breastmilk in my most humble opinion is the most nutritionally perfect food you can feed your baby. We live in a time in history where women have the choice whether or not to breastfeed. If a woman chooses not to breastfeed, then that is her choice. The reverse is also true. There should never be any shaming for the way a woman decides to feed her child. There should never be any shaming when women choose to breastfeed in public either. Babies don't wait until it is convenient to be fed. When they are hungry, they will let you know and loudly. That's what breasts are for; there is no shame in nourishing a child. Okay, off my soapbox I go.

This post is in honor of World Breastfeeding Week.

Now, what about the women who want to breastfeed and don't produce enough milk or simply can't. Well, this is my story. My son was born via emergency C-Section. I saw him briefly before he was carted away to the NICU. I did not see him again until the next day. I wasn't given a pump until the day after that despite repeated requests. My son was given formula without my permission. Could this have contributed to my not being able to breastfeed....maybe.

 Two things I contribute to not being able to breastfeed are diet and shame. To breastfeed your body needs enough nutrients to create the perfect food for your baby. People don't tell you how much you need to eat to make milk. My daily calorie consumption was not a healthy amount for me to live on let alone another human.  The second contributing factor shame is a bitter pill to swallow. I had read all the books about breastfeeding. I felt so much pride that i just knew that I was going to have the most wonderful breastfeeding experience. Well, that didn't work out as planned. I remember sitting on the living room floor crying staring at the receptacle that was supposed to hold my milk supply. The wasn't even half a teaspoon of milk in there. I can also remember trying so hard to get my son to latch, and he would just turn his head away. Shame was a big part of how I felt. I would make hang up calls to La Leche League trying to get the courage to say "I can't feed my child."  I could have talked to the doctors. I didn't reach out because of shame. I lost out on a wonderful experience because I was worried what someone might think of me. That was the real shame. There is so much help out there. Don't be like I was. Ask for help if you need it.

When Did I Become the NO Monster!?

My son talks ALOT! He can tell you his abc's, count to 19, and hes not yet 2. He can also tell you "No, Get down, Don't touch, and Because I said so..." Yeesh, that last one got to me. When I was a kid I hated being told "because I said so" I needed to know why. I wasn't being smart. I just wanted to know why. So, I started listening to the interactions I had with my son and they sounded like this: "No, No, No, Get down, Don't put that in your mouth, Don't drag the cat by the tail, Gentle, No, No, No, Stop that, Give mommy, Let's sing a song, Good job, Can you count with Mommy?, Great job, No, No, No, I love you."

What happened? I was going to be the coolest Mom on the planet. In reality toddlers are the most awesome, surprising, destructive, quick little buggers you will ever meet. I needed a game plan. Here are the top 3 things in my arsenal.
3. Love-Sometimes a hug, kiss, or tickle can work better than yelling. it's the whole thing about catching flies with honey. You have to think of toddlers as little people who have their own thoughts, and don't want to be forced to do anything anymore than you do. There is a balance. I'm not saying let them do whatever and be unsafe. Just that sometimes you have to be a little more cunning.
2. Distraction-Sometimes  you have to play a little dirty to keep your sanity. When my son throws a fit I find the loudest toy near me and play with it. I just ignore him and have a good time playing with his toys. You know what, he forgets whatever he was crying about and joins me.
1. Redirection- At first I thought of redirection as a daycare workers Jedi mind trick. But, it actually works! One day I got tired of telling my son to get down off the coffee table and simply said " Feet on the floor." He did it immediately. I was so shocked I tried it with other things and it worked with those things also. It doesn't work all the time, but enough to make me feel like I don't have to be the No Monster all the time.