Post Holiday Special: I Think I'm a Stalker!

Oh Awkward Ones,

I have noticed that I stalk my baby. I know how Gollum from Lord of the rings must have felt. When someone is holding him I am thinking... "They wants the precious, but it is mine!" I hover behind chairs and couches. I find myself peeking around corners. I walk by his crib to make sure he is still there. This is classic awkward stalker behavior. I need to learn to just let go just a little or my poor son is going to be 35 and I am still going to be stalking him. It is ok to be protective, and cautious, but don't go overboard and be a stalker.

This Thanksgiving holiday made me see how much of a stalker I really was. This was his first holiday, and the first time the family really got to meet him. Of course they were excited. I on the other hand was sizing everyone up. I was looking for any sign of illness or weak limbs in those who wanted to hold my precious. I would panic at every stray cough. In my mind everyone was a potential source of infection. It wasn't until my Mom told me to go away that I realized I was hovering. I mean she's my Mom I should trust her right?... She raised me and I'm still alive.

I was missing out on an opportunity. I wasn't enjoying my holiday. I was so tense my shoulders were up by my ears, my muscles were tight, and I was holding my breath. I wasn't enjoying my family, (who also happen to be some of my best friends) and the time I had to spend with them. I was not letting go of the loneliness. I was not letting go of my new mommy bubble. Instead I was seeking it out, clawing at it. I did not want to let it go. I realize now for my sanity and my son's I need to learn to let go when the situation calls for it. I cannot always be the awkward stalker Mom. I need to find that balance, but you better believe when the situation calls for it I have my fierce Mama Bear claws ready for action.