Bad Days Happen.

Can I be honest? I can because it's my blog and I can say what I want. Moms have bad days. There were several moments during my pregnancy when I was just like Are you kidding me? Everyone always talked about how wonderful pregnancy was and how you would glow from this beautiful experience. Yeah right! I was a sweaty, irritable mess. They don't tell you about hemorrhoids, peeing when you laugh or sneeze because there is a tiny human jumping on your bladder, or fainting at the worst moments ( my chipped front tooth can attest to that) They don't tell you that, no they tell you how you are going to glow. People always talk about the beautiful side of motherhood, and they don't speak of the worry, the depression, the need to self-medicate with wine( ask any Mom about the book club and she will deny it).

 Moms get a bad rep. There is no time to sit in front of the tv eating bonbons while you try to remember which kid needs to be where? Who needs to eat(child, fish, cat, dog, turtle, you)? What's for breakfast, lunch second breakfast, dinner? Where is the biggest mess that I need to tackle? Should I just hose the kids off outside, so I don't have to clean the bathroom again? How do I not ruin my kids lives today? There is a list of things to do that is the equivalent of pi (neverending). But, you must endure it all with grace looking runway-fierce... I'm sorry, but that is a sure fire way to lose your mind.

Having a bad day is one thing. Have a glass of wine and a long soak in the tub and you can shake it off. Now, when the bad days start to run together, and you start using your outside voice inside to everybody, and you start picking fights with your partner over not changing the toilet roll... You need a break. Because at this point you can soak in a bathtub full of wine and it would not help. Find a sitter, invoke the grandparent's clause, You need backup! Take a day or two and just be with your spouse. It can work wonders for your attitude. I'm not saying that this is the answer to everything. Some people don't even know what's wrong. That takes some work to find yourself and remember what used to bring you joy or find something new. The absolute best thing you can do for yourself is to stop worrying what others think about you. Do what's right for you and your family.

I love you my awkward friends until next time.

My Latest Obsession.

Sorry, my awkward friends for the late post. I guess Saturday is the new Thursday. Well for this week at least. Okay, so for those who know me you know my interests are varied, and I can research things until I know so much about it that I'm sick of it then it is on to the next one.

At the moment my obsession is genealogy. It wasn't until I had R.J. I began to think about those who came before me. I had thought about genealogy before but, I did not have the patience to sift through all those names.

So, that was what I was doing Thursday when I should have been blogging for you. I was at the library sifting through names. It is so awesome the first time you make a discovery about people in your family, and you think about just how much gets passed down in your DNA. How do you get started building your family tree? It all starts with you. The easiest way to build your family tree is to work from the present backward. Go from you and you parents to their parents and so on. Go back as far as you can with what you can learn from family members. Just remember that memories can be fuzzy, and you will have to play detective.


People ask me all the time how I find all the information I do without paying a cent. Well, I have a few tricks up my sleeve that I will share with you. There is a website that can help you map your tree and search information for free www.familysearch.org is run by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The site is completely free, and it helps you organized your work. You can also place the items you find in your search directly in a source box for later use. I think my biggest source of information and documents is www.ancestry.com. I know what you are thinking. Ancestry.com you have to pay for that. Most of the time that is true but, this is why it pays to know all the services your local library provide. At the Chicago Public Library, you can use Ancestry for free. Now this is only good for the computers in the actual library. The library also has other resources you can use. As an African American, it is difficult to find information further than 1860. Certain libraries have information on microfiche like slave schedules, and old newspapers. Check your city's libraries to find what's available to you.

Here are the resources I use most often:
Family stories and memories.
Pictures
Birth and death certificates both have information about parentage and important dates
Property records can let you find names on deeds of passed down family properties
The Census is great information and don't just look at your family on the census page check the pages before or after and you just may find other relatives.

So go out and make your tree fuller Awkward ones.

DIY Sensory Bottles!

Hey my Awkward friends,

I was thinking of something to share with you this week. I was at a loss until I  tripped over it. A sensory bottle that I had made for RJ was lying on the floor. My son had gotten so much enjoyment out of the simple toys I made for him I thought I should share..

I made bottles several in different colors to help teach him colors as well as being soothing. Here's what you need to make your own sensory bottles. 

An empty water bottle

Food color

Beads or small river rocks

Glitter

Decorative Duct tape

This project takes about ten minutes. It is super simple and the kids can help. Just use caution when handling small beads and rocks.

Remove the label from the water bottle. Place the river rocks or beads in the bottle. Just enough to cover the bottom and make a great sound. You can also put the glitter and food color in at this time. 

Fill the bottle with water.

If you are mixing colors you may want to wait to put the color in after you fill the bottle  with water.

There you have it. One awesome sensory toy. Don't forget to duct tape and secure the top of the bottle so there no accidents.

Sometimes You Gotta Be Tricky.

Hey my awkward friends, I have been keeping true to posting on Thursdays. Yay! Even if it is 11:59 it is still Thursday. I was trying to come up with something simple for this week's post. Translated: I just waited until the last minute. Now I am about to share something I do for RJ when he gets in his moods and doesn't want to eat. Every parent wants to know that their kids are getting what they need nutritionally. Some kids are pickier than others. My son is a carnivore. He will eat all the meat on his plate before he looks at anything else. Sometimes he will eat nothing but meat and rice. I think this is my punishment for trying to make him vegetarian. Here are a couple tricks I have learned to get him to eat something other than meat.

1. The game: Everything is better as a game. If it is a vegetable that I know he likes I will play who eats it first. I will quickly take a vegetable off of his plate and eat it. I make it seem like the most delicious thing in the world. That gets him interested. I grab another one and offer it to him. If he doesn't take then I eat it again. Then I ask him to get a vegetable to see if he will eat it or offer it to me. If he eats it I make a big surprised face and celebrate with him. Then my job is done if he is done. I don't force him to eat. However, I do revisit the food if he wants more later. Now if he offers it to me I continue the game until he decides to take a bite. This does not always work. You have to be really excited about vegetables to make it work in the first place and even then the only may accomplish sometimes is a belly full of vegetables, but the wrong one.

2. The smoothie: I love smoothies. I would rather drink a smoothie or a juice sometimes than eat lunch. That made me think about a way to sneak veg to my toddler. When he gets in his moods and he doesn't want to eat that's fine but he never turns down a drink.

Drink 1: I take a couple tablespoons of oatmeal and blend them into a fine powder before I add any wet ingredients. This makes sure the oats incorporate into the liquid without lumps. I then add half a banana and enough milk to cover both the oats and the banana. I blend until liquefied. This drink does not have the consistency of a smoothie. If too thick add more milk. It should look like formula more or less. He loves this drink and he will drink it all. It should also make enough for the next day as well. Refrigerate the remainder give it a good shake before serving the next day. If you know you can't use it the next day please put it in the freezer so it won't go bad.

Drink 2: My son loves berries. Black, blue, straw, if it's a berry he loves it. So, I keep frozen mixed berries in the house. Well, I love my smoothies too so it is good to keep on hand. In this drink, I add a handful of mixed berries, a handful of spinach, and cover with apple juice. That's it it's so simple. If you are worried about the seeds from the berries you can omit by using a strainer but, that's personal preference RJ doesn't mind. This drink is thicker than the last so use your own judgment to know if it is right for you and your child. You can always dilute with water for a thinner consistency.

These are my tips for the week I hope they help. Until next week my awkward friends.

Who Does Antisocial Parenting Hurt?

Sometimes you just don't want to be bothered with other people. Well, your sometimes is my most of the time. It was until I saw how other people enrich my son's life. It was as if a flash of lightning went off in my head. It is amazing the way he had personal relationships with the people he encounters. He remembers the things he does with that particular person. R.J. just has a gift with people. It's wonderful to watch. People love him instantly. So, to keep him away from his adoring public is just cruel.

The most honest reason I have to give up my anti-social ways is that I need a break and support. When you are a stay at home mom, your life revolves around your family. There is only so much conversation you can have about Elmo. I have been guilty of reading Stephen Hawking's "The Theory of Everything" to him. Reading books alone is not enough. I found myself irritable, and depressed. I needed to get out of my funk. So, I decided to get involved in my community. I started going to local Park Advisory Council meetings. Going to these meetings lead to
coming in contact with a wonderful local church pastor. I visited his church and knew that I wanted to be a part it. I met beautiful church ladies who welcomed my family and me no questions asked. The most amazing thing is that my son found a friend.

In all things, there is a balance. I now look forward to Sundays. I can see more clearly the need to be around positive moms and women. The need to know you are not alone is real. Many are afraid of judgement especially when it comes to our children or parenting. We all need a village in which to feel safe to be ourselves. One of the reasons I do my best not to judge others is that you never know what someone has been through. One day you may have that same trial.

    I love what my life is becoming. I just might have to change the name of this blog. Well.. nope still awkward, but that's okay. So, I guess the answer to my question Who does anti-social parenting hurt is everyone.

Why I Didn't Breastfeed.

Breastmilk in my most humble opinion is the most nutritionally perfect food you can feed your baby. We live in a time in history where women have the choice whether or not to breastfeed. If a woman chooses not to breastfeed, then that is her choice. The reverse is also true. There should never be any shaming for the way a woman decides to feed her child. There should never be any shaming when women choose to breastfeed in public either. Babies don't wait until it is convenient to be fed. When they are hungry, they will let you know and loudly. That's what breasts are for; there is no shame in nourishing a child. Okay, off my soapbox I go.

This post is in honor of World Breastfeeding Week.

Now, what about the women who want to breastfeed and don't produce enough milk or simply can't. Well, this is my story. My son was born via emergency C-Section. I saw him briefly before he was carted away to the NICU. I did not see him again until the next day. I wasn't given a pump until the day after that despite repeated requests. My son was given formula without my permission. Could this have contributed to my not being able to breastfeed....maybe.

 Two things I contribute to not being able to breastfeed are diet and shame. To breastfeed your body needs enough nutrients to create the perfect food for your baby. People don't tell you how much you need to eat to make milk. My daily calorie consumption was not a healthy amount for me to live on let alone another human.  The second contributing factor shame is a bitter pill to swallow. I had read all the books about breastfeeding. I felt so much pride that i just knew that I was going to have the most wonderful breastfeeding experience. Well, that didn't work out as planned. I remember sitting on the living room floor crying staring at the receptacle that was supposed to hold my milk supply. The wasn't even half a teaspoon of milk in there. I can also remember trying so hard to get my son to latch, and he would just turn his head away. Shame was a big part of how I felt. I would make hang up calls to La Leche League trying to get the courage to say "I can't feed my child."  I could have talked to the doctors. I didn't reach out because of shame. I lost out on a wonderful experience because I was worried what someone might think of me. That was the real shame. There is so much help out there. Don't be like I was. Ask for help if you need it.

When Did I Become the NO Monster!?

My son talks ALOT! He can tell you his abc's, count to 19, and hes not yet 2. He can also tell you "No, Get down, Don't touch, and Because I said so..." Yeesh, that last one got to me. When I was a kid I hated being told "because I said so" I needed to know why. I wasn't being smart. I just wanted to know why. So, I started listening to the interactions I had with my son and they sounded like this: "No, No, No, Get down, Don't put that in your mouth, Don't drag the cat by the tail, Gentle, No, No, No, Stop that, Give mommy, Let's sing a song, Good job, Can you count with Mommy?, Great job, No, No, No, I love you."

What happened? I was going to be the coolest Mom on the planet. In reality toddlers are the most awesome, surprising, destructive, quick little buggers you will ever meet. I needed a game plan. Here are the top 3 things in my arsenal.
3. Love-Sometimes a hug, kiss, or tickle can work better than yelling. it's the whole thing about catching flies with honey. You have to think of toddlers as little people who have their own thoughts, and don't want to be forced to do anything anymore than you do. There is a balance. I'm not saying let them do whatever and be unsafe. Just that sometimes you have to be a little more cunning.
2. Distraction-Sometimes  you have to play a little dirty to keep your sanity. When my son throws a fit I find the loudest toy near me and play with it. I just ignore him and have a good time playing with his toys. You know what, he forgets whatever he was crying about and joins me.
1. Redirection- At first I thought of redirection as a daycare workers Jedi mind trick. But, it actually works! One day I got tired of telling my son to get down off the coffee table and simply said " Feet on the floor." He did it immediately. I was so shocked I tried it with other things and it worked with those things also. It doesn't work all the time, but enough to make me feel like I don't have to be the No Monster all the time.

His Name: Alan Sidney Patrick Rickman

I am greatly saddened by the news of the passing of Alan Rickman. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a bit of an Anglophile. I love theater, and the art of acting. My favorite actor.... Alan Rickman. There was a quiet Brilliance in his work that changed the way we look at villains today. He was a storyteller, a true artist, and a down to earth person. I had the supreme pleasure of meeting him in 2004 when I was in the B.A.D.A. (British American Drama Academy) studying abroad in the UK. When I found out we were going to meet him, I think I stopped breathing for a minute. I had just bought a picture of him from his days at the Royal Shakespeare Company while I was in Stratford upon Avon. My friend Hiro had to listen to me blab for three days about Alan Rickman. I would drone on and on about how other students only knew him as Professor Snape from the Harry Potter Movies.... blah blah blah. Let me step back in time for just a moment. I became aware of Alan Rickman like most people in movies like Die Hard as the villain Hans Gruber, and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves as the Sheriff. However, as an actor I discovered his true brilliance in one line in the 1995 movie Sense and Sensiblity, which was directed by Ang Lee. In the line "Give me an occupation, Miss Dashwood, or I shall run mad." it was as if he wasn't acting, but telling his characters truth. This one line lead me down an Alan Rickman rabbit hole i which I found the independent film Closet Land (1991) The entire movie is set in one place and there are only two people in the entire movie.  Madeleine Stowe and Alan Rickman held this movie together with strong character portrayals and storytelling. It is a brilliant lesson in storytelling for any actor. So, I looked at meeting him, like meeting royalty. However, when the time came I found him to be so utterly human, and so wonderfully himself. When it came time for autographs I sat frozen in my seat. I did not want to be one of the ones who took a piece of him for his fame. I was content with the memory of the wisdom he had given me. But, my friend Hiro said I owed him for him listening to me talk constantly about Alan Rickman for the the three days prior. So, I walked about three feet away from him in a crowd of people staring at the picture I had bought. I suddenly heard a deep voice say, "Well, I haven't seen that in quite sometime." he smiled the warmest smile and laughed. He took the picture from my hand and asked my name. He signed that photo even though I didn't ask him to. He made me feel special in a crowd of people. I was happy with that. Later my friend Hiro pulled me to the side and presented me with a glass. In the commotion of autograph signing he had take the glass that Alan Rickman drank from, and presented it to me as the greatest gift. I laughed so hard. I didn't need that, but the gesture was so wonderful it filled my heart that day. Tragically the glass never made it back to the States. But, this memory is what I am left with today. A supreme feeling of joy and gratitude that I had this moment in time. There is a deep feeling of sadness that I feel also. My condolences to his wife Rima who had been with him longer than I have been alive. Rest in Eternal Peace.

Part 2 of you have no idea what you are doing

I separated this post, because there is so much to say on the subject of being clueless of a thing until you are pushed in the deep end. I have found that no matter what choice you make, someone will always have an opinion on what you should be doing. Some people think that what worked for them is automatically the right thing to do for everyone.... not so. In a normal situation you and your child bond and you learn together what works, and what doesn't. For example;  when your baby is fussy you instinctively start this bouncing rocking motion, right. How did you know that motion would help soothe your fussy baby. If that doesn't work you change positions or begin humming. You go through each thing until you know what each cry means for your child. That is what I call using your instinct. People get so hung up on naming things, attachment parenting, instinctive parenting, helicopter parenting, authoritative parenting, and permissive parenting are the 5 major types that people talk about. The names themselves give you a very clear idea of what each one means. It cracks me up sometimes the things that we come up with to complicate things. I can not imagine Eve reading a book on parenting styles to be clear on what kind of parent she would be. If we accept the idea of Eve being the first woman, what frame of reference did she have to be a mother? If you are honest with yourself you could use all of those parenting styles in an hour. Parenting style is personal, it is something that you figure out as you go in many cases, and it is what works for your family. No one can tell you what works for your family but you. It is your sanity on the line. If you want to breast feed until you child is 5 then that is your business. I don't understand why people get so offended. If you don't choose to breastfeed at all that is also your business. We get in our way sometimes when we worry about what other people are doing. If we spend that energy on making sure that children who don't have homes get a proper one, then I think we would be better off as a society. Just my thoughts... What do you think?

Time Flies!

Can you believe it has almost been a year since we began this journey together?  My son just celebrated his first birthday. That was an experience I am glad comes once a year. It made me realize something, you lose your mind for a few weeks leading up to the party and then its over. You have wonderful pictures for sure, and memories, that's great and all , but is it worth crazy Mommy for weeks to have one perfect day? I am not a perfect person. I am not a perfect Mom.  What is so horrible about being your imperfect self?  Who is it that we are trying to impress with these elaborate parties? My son is one. He doesn't care. He is just happy to play with his cousins, and eat cake. Just as a side note Pinterest is the devil. It makes you believe that all this diy stuff you see on there you can do easy peasy.......Nope. Don't get me wrong I love pinterest and most of the stuff I see I can do, but it might take a few tries and ain't nobody got time for that. Follow me on instagram @sociallyawkwardmom to see the invitations my husband,and I made and the Cookie Monster and Elmo cupcakes I made.

Thanks for a great year! Next year will be even better.

Number 1! You have no idea what you are doing and that is ok.

Ok I know it has been more than a minute since my last post. I apologize my awkward friends life and technology have gotten in the way of this post. This is the number one thing that I have learned since I have become a Mom. This is one of the most important things that I must remember and keeps me sane. I have no idea what I am doing and that is okay.

There have always been babies around me, Until about the age of twenty I always thought they were all tiny demons sent to torment me. It was around that time that my sister-in-law gave birth to her first and I saw this beautiful transformation come over her. It was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. I was there with her as she learned to navigate her life as a new mom. She made it look easy, though I know it wasn't. It wasn't glamorous, but it was the most honest, and loving thing I had ever witnessed. Something even more amazing is that as our family grew and the challenges of having multiple small children became more apparent to me, she still had that look of honest love when looking at her children.

This experience led me to want to become a doula. I studied and learned everything about birth I could. I went to massage school and got certified as a therapist. I did not finish my certification as a doula, but that desire is still there. I tell you that to say that I was not completely clueless about birth. However, when my time came I learned quickly that there is no substitute for experience. Everything you think you know about birthing babies and being a mom goes out the window when that first labor pain hits.

At that first moment you are probably feeling intense love, and joy. The second feeling can only be described as uncertainty. Who thought it was a great idea to give me a baby? I can barely dress myself. You seem to ferret out every flaw in your character as to why you would not be  a great mom. You can find parenthood overwhelming. It is a 24/7 job. It feels like being dropped in the deep end of the pool at first. Then something amazing happens, you kick your legs, flail your arms, and suddenly you are treading water.

Well my friends that is the end of part One please stay tuned for the next part.

Day Four: There Must Be a God!

I have always believed in God. Being the daughter of a preacher it seems inevitable that I should. I know some don't believe in God. I don't judge, because it is not my place. But, when you have children they make you want to reevaluate your life. Children make you want to be a better person. It makes me want to have a deeper relationship with God.

There are several moments when you have children that you instinctively call on God. Yes, even if you don't think you believe in him. It could be the moment you find out you are pregnant, when that first labor pain hits, perhaps when you see your child fall for the first time, or at 3 am when you have just settled into bed and the baby starts crying again, you have uttered the words "Oh my God"! I am not talking about the casual OMG you may text to your friends. I am talking about that very short prayer you say in times of great emotion. Oh. My. God. In those three words there is an exclamation of great feeling, a statement of relationship, and acknowledgement of God.

When I had my son I could not believe that such a perfect little person had come from me. I was amazed by his tiny toes. I spent hours looking at him, and came to the only conclusion I could make. There must be a God.  What have I done in my life to deserve to be so blessed? The answer is nothing. But, that is how God loves us. He loves us without condition. He is the example of how we should love each other.

Please stay tuned tomorrow for the final installment

Day Three: The Multi Task Master

At any given time I have a hundred things on my to do list. I am constantly doing at least three things at once while thinking of the next three things I must do after that. Have you ever found yourself carrying and trying to soothe a crying baby, making a bottle, while the dinner on the stove is dangerously close to burning, the phone is ringing, and to your dismay you get a whiff of poo coming from the crying baby in your arms?  Yeah welcome to motherhood. Sometimes you are on point, you are handling with all the grace of a seasoned ballerina. You get a little cocky, and the universe throws a big fat monkey wrench in your flow. Sometimes you handle things like a hippo with vertigo on a tight rope. Just before you fall, your husband or some such angel comes to rescue you with a glass of wine, giving you a much needed break.  If you are a mom there will always be things on your to do list. You are now the C.E.O., accountant, nutritionist, nurse, chef, manager, driver, teacher, and janitor for your family. There will always be dishes, laundry, appointments, and meals to make. But, at the center of all of this is love. Love makes us get up at ungodly hours with sick children. Love makes us cook meals for our family even though we suck at it. Love gives us the strength to juggle our to do list, our lives, and our families. There is one thing that I can recommend in order to be more successful in your multi-task. You must put yourself on your to do list. We spend so much time taking care of the needs of those we love, that we forget about ourselves until something unforeseen forces us to. Be good to yourself, so you can be good to your family. Now go forth and multi-task

Day Two: #4 The Crazy Scale

Yesterday we started with my top five list. Number Five: The Eww Factor is in the bag. Today we explore

  Number Four: The Crazy Scale

 If you are anything like me you hate when men blame your feelings on hormones. The statement: "It must be that time of the month." Has earned many a man at the very least a dirty look. If it is that time of month you might get punched. After you have a baby people unknowingly reduce your feelings to "baby blues" It is irksome and in some cases dangerous to diminish postpartum feelings as "baby blues" Postpartum depression/anxiety/psychosis are very real things that should not be looked down on or pushed off as "baby blues"  If you need help please contact your doctor. If you need resources check out http://postpartumprogress.com.   I don't ever want any of my awkward friends to feel as they are alone in the journey in mommy hood. 

Now, what I am talking about is the extra quirkiness your personality acquires when you become a parent. The quirkiness that turns your once comfy home into a deathtrap. You see danger around every corner. I admit that before my son a was a bit of a germaphobe.  Since his birth that little bit has increased threefold. Nothing is ever clean enough for him to touch, but I have to stop myself for being crazy. There is nothing I can do short of putting him in a bubble that will protect him from everything in the world. I can only protect him from what I can. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. So, I just cringe, make faces, and sometimes things play out in my mind like a slow motion horror movie. Even with the extra craziness that I have acquired I still manage to do my best at curbing my neurosis. Being positive, and surrounding yourself with positivity works wonders even when you don't feel like being positive. 

There is another kind of craziness that we go through. I have to admit that this particular craziness is due to hormones. After you have a baby there are many hormones going through your body. There is a point after giving birth when hormone levels are out of balance. You cry for no reason, have trouble sleeping, don't know how to deal with your new body. To this hormonal craziness I say, you just have to ride it out. Cry for no reason, learn to knit for when you can't sleep, and love the body that just created a new life. It will pass, and you will be the best mom you can be.

Now there is a different kind of craziness that comes with older children, but that is a topic for another day.

Top Five Things: Day One

Becoming a parent is an amazing thing. It has become a process of discovery for me. I am doing my best to enjoy every moment. My son's first year is half over. Time is flying by so fast, and I find myself trying to remember to be present. Writing for you my awkward friends gives me a chance to reflect and share. So, now I will share with you my top five list of things I have learned since becoming a mommy.

#5 The Ewww Factor:

Everything that grosses you out is probably going to happen when you have children. If you find it disgusting it will probably end up in your child's mouth. This can continue even past the oral stage of development, which is the first twenty one months. I have a severe aversion to regurgitation. It is so bad I can't even say the v-word because just the word makes me gag. Gross....  Babies spit up. Fact. If you have a baby you will get spit up on. Fact. If you want a baby you will have to learn to deal with messes of all kinds. Sometimes you have to realize that this is a moment and it will pass. There is so much more to celebrate than there is to freak out about when it comes to life. Bodily fluids no longer completely gross me out to the extent as they once did.  They still hold a definite eww factor for me. I am getting over it.

Please come back tomorrow for the next installment #4 The Crazy Scale

Feed the Beast!

My family and those who really know me knew before Roman was born that I wanted to make my own baby food. Knowing this I received two baby food makers at my shower.  I wasn't sure at the time, but I do use them both. Now I have nothing against jar food. It is convenient, and I do plan to use them at some point. However, if I can make it myself I say why not.  I tried to wait the six months like the books tell you,but my little butterball wasn't having it. Sometimes you have to take the cue from your wee one. He demonstrated everything on the checklist and then some. I knew it was time for him to eat when he started to mimic chewing motions whenever he saw someone eat.f that is not a clue I don't know what is. I am so excited to enjoy this next phase of Roman's life. I will post my triumphs and fails as I go. My first triumph... apple sauce. It was so good I enjoyed a bit of the leftovers myself :-)

First Night Out

Your first night out after you give birth is important. It is important for your sanity and your relationship. The time immediately after birth is spent in a bubble with your family. It is a period of adjustment, reflection, contemplation, discovery, and sleep deprivation. You have to surface at some point and take care of your social needs. You need adult conversations to stimulate your adult brain. I knew I had this need, but I did not want to leave my son. How irresponsible of me to leave him and go gallivanting (do people still say that?)? We as mothers judge ourselves too harshly. I had to stop making excuses for why I couldn't go out.

So, I went out. It was a friend's birthday and I had a great time. I don't know if it was the company, the atmosphere, or a wonderful combination of both, but it was an enjoyable night. We dined at Quartino a small plate Italian restaurant in downtown Chicago. The food was excellent. (for all my Chicago friends I will post a review at a later time) After dinner we went to the House of Blues for a concert. The band was a local one called Sixteen Candles. They are an awesome 80s cover band. They play everything from the band Ah-Ha to the Eurhythmics. It was amazing for my first night out post baby, but I still fought with myself not to be a stalker and call and check on him every five minutes. I quite literally sat with the phone in my, sweating, willing myself not to call. I did not call. I won the battle of wills. Unfortunately I did not win the war. I spent the next two weeks having nightmares. So when it comes down to it just make the call. You will feel better and you can enjoy your night.

Advice on...Advice

I have never been given so much advice in my life. I had debated whether I should say anything on this subject or keep my trap shut. In the end this is my blog and I can say what I want. If anyone is offended… well you know… I still love you.

Since becoming a mom people have been giving me advice on everything. On one hand it is great to know people care enough to tell me something to make my life easier. On the other hand it is like being told: You don’t know what you are doing. So, do it my way. I know what’s best. One of the most beautiful things about being a mom is the constant sense of discovery. This includes learning your baby and what works best for the both of you. I keep myself sane by having conversations with likeminded moms. They give me the reassurance I need to know that I am not the worst parent ever and my baby hates me. That not going with what my parents did or the cultural norm is ok. I am who I am. I won’t judge the way you choose to parent because that is your right and it is not my place. I have to learn what motherhood looks like to me. I have beautiful women in my life who parent in completely different ways, but I consider them all to be great moms. They have the most amazing kids, but they are amazing in different ways. The commonality I see is that they are all given room to let their own personalities blossom. In sharing with likeminded individuals we will find our way as mothers. Through love not advice, and in our own time.

Back to the heart of the matter. So, how do I handle unwanted advice givers?  I handle them with all the passive aggressive love I can muster. It’s that or slap them with a dirty diaper. (I always have those on hand.) Seriously though I find the thing that I admire most about them as a person. Then I ask for advice about that thing I admire and I would like to incorporate into my life. It can be anything a recipe, an exercise routine, financial planning, or gardening. It doesn’t matter. It’s that or a diaper slap. I choose to be more loving.

Oh, and for the people who ask if your baby sleeps through the night, and gives you the pity face when you say no… be careful we are tired and cranky. You can get a diaper too!

Who am I? 2

I have a confession Awkward Ones

  The other day I looked at myself in the mirror, and I almost did not recognize myself. My eyebrows had all but grown together, my skin was so dry it was flaking in patches, and my hair was in a Mom ponytail on top of my head. I live in my sweats and save jeans for special occasions. If you put me under a UV light I would light up like a Christmas tree from all the biological materials that I have on my shirt at any given time.

 I can admit that I am usually a casual person, but I began to miss a glamour that I never had. I mourned a life that I never lived. It always seems like the grass is greener no matter what side you are on. I am now a Mom, but now that does not make me just a Mom. I am still everything I was before. I just need to remember that I can take the time to be beautiful. I can take a shower and dress like a human and not the sweat suit monster I have become.

There is a flip side to this. I think of my insecurities about my looks, and I realize that my son looks a lot like me some days. How can Roman be so handsome and just an all around adorable kid and still look like me? There is a lie there somewhere, and since everyone he comes in contact with wants to put him in their pocket, I think it is with my perception of me. When did we lose ourselves to the perception of others? At what point in our lives did we stop living for ourselves and start living for what others think of us? Being a mother has made me think about all these things. I put it out here on my blog because I know I'm not alone...

A Love Letter to My Village

Hey my awkward friends

Chris and I have decided to have 7 Godparents for our son Roman. Some may think this is excessive, but he needs all the guidance he can get in this world. Each person brings something different to the table. Beautiful qualities that supplement the foundation that his father and I are building for him.

It is true that it takes a village to raise a child. I am so grateful that I have a wonderful village to call on. My family is so diverse, but through our cultural differences we all come to each other with a common spirit. That spirit that brings us together is love. I am grateful for all those who love my son so fiercely just for being born. As I watch the way each person interacts with Roman ( Yes, I am still a stalker, but I am getting better...I think.) I see the pure love that they have for him. I see the exchange of light that happens when he smiles. This is a purity of spirit I wish I could bottle. Instead I will say thank you to my dear village. Thank you for showing my son the qualities that will get him through life knowing that he is most dearly loved.