Ok I know it has been more than a minute since my last post. I apologize my awkward friends life and technology have gotten in the way of this post. This is the number one thing that I have learned since I have become a Mom. This is one of the most important things that I must remember and keeps me sane. I have no idea what I am doing and that is okay.
There have always been babies around me, Until about the age of twenty I always thought they were all tiny demons sent to torment me. It was around that time that my sister-in-law gave birth to her first and I saw this beautiful transformation come over her. It was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. I was there with her as she learned to navigate her life as a new mom. She made it look easy, though I know it wasn't. It wasn't glamorous, but it was the most honest, and loving thing I had ever witnessed. Something even more amazing is that as our family grew and the challenges of having multiple small children became more apparent to me, she still had that look of honest love when looking at her children.
This experience led me to want to become a doula. I studied and learned everything about birth I could. I went to massage school and got certified as a therapist. I did not finish my certification as a doula, but that desire is still there. I tell you that to say that I was not completely clueless about birth. However, when my time came I learned quickly that there is no substitute for experience. Everything you think you know about birthing babies and being a mom goes out the window when that first labor pain hits.
At that first moment you are probably feeling intense love, and joy. The second feeling can only be described as uncertainty. Who thought it was a great idea to give me a baby? I can barely dress myself. You seem to ferret out every flaw in your character as to why you would not be a great mom. You can find parenthood overwhelming. It is a 24/7 job. It feels like being dropped in the deep end of the pool at first. Then something amazing happens, you kick your legs, flail your arms, and suddenly you are treading water.
Well my friends that is the end of part One please stay tuned for the next part.
